Jumping again

I had my evaluation at a new barn on Monday. After talking the schedule over with my manager I called today and secured my place in the class. First lesson started today, and boy was it amazing. I remembered that I HATED giving up jumping and every time I watched a class I got a little pang of jealousy in my stomach, but I forgot that feeling of getting it right.

The first three times around were a little rough and I forgot to count about half the times but I got the strides right all but once. About the fourth time around (it was set up with two small X's on a line, then coming around the arena and taking a square corner to a small vertical. X's were probably 12" and 4 strides, and vertical probably 18", and after about 3 rounds I figured her out and it was like being a rock star. I would say definitely far from perfection but I felt something coming back. It was confidence. And it felt GOOD.

I clicked really well with Stella, the mare I rode. It was a little shaky at times but I am certain after another ride or two I'll be in much better tune with her. She jumps really up and round so I snatched her face twice on accident and got thrown forward a couple times as well, but both of the last times around were great and really smooth.

Texas hunter/jumpers, here I come.

Life

I haven't updated in a long time (for me anyway). I've been busy and I've had a lot more energy (probably from eating better and exercising more, followed in my other blog with Mashley) so I've been getting out more. I'm already getting a little tan (in March!) and Oscar is learning "stay," "spin," and we're working on sitting from a down. He can sit, then lay down, or sit from standing, but lying down and THEN sitting is pretty tough for the little guy to comprehend.
He also decided to chew on my laptop cord, and shorted that thing out. Which was probably about time anyway, the thing is constantly losing connection to the internet (where my netbook won't), and randomly turns itself off (even if it's not hot) and also freezes unnecessarily. The laptop IS about 5 years old, though, so it's probably about time. I'm just glad I have a backup and do not need to buy another one right away. I need to get my spending (aka eating out) down and make sure my car is going to be okay before I buy another computer.

Speaking of car, my A/C isn't exactly working. Which down here is a must. I'm going to have to get that fixed ASAP before it starts getting into the 100*.

I also got some MUCH needed cleaning today. My apartment was starting to look like a crazy person's house with clothes everywhere and dishes piled up. I also cleaned the fridge and got my bathroom looking good again. I like having a clean apartment, I just need to get better about having the time.

I have an evaluation tomorrow at a somewhat fancy jumping barn tomorrow. I met the woman who runs it and I think I'm really going to like it. I got the impression she knows how to run a business, and also really enjoys it. She was honest, asked frank questions and genuinely listened.

More on that later, right now it's time to go to bed. I am exhausted.

Good Samaritanism and Dog Adoptions

I've felt like quite the good Samaritan the last few days. First the return of the perpetually loose dog, secondly I managed to NOT eat the granola bar I keep in my purse for more than a day and gave it to one of the guys that stands in the intersection begging for food/money/"anything helps." I generally keep one or two to hand out but I often eat them before giving them away (bad me). The little old man said "god blesses you" and even though I think that's a bunch of BS (it's going to take a lot more than giving a granola bar to a beggar for god to bless me!) the smile he had was pretty durn genuine and worth it.

Then today at the dog park I met a lady who is an adoption advocate and goes around trying to adopt dogs out of the shelters, or find foster homes for them. She asked how old Oscar was and where I got him and when I told her she asked how long I'd had him. She works mostly out of the Montgomery County Animal Shelter where I got Oscar and she said she remembered him! After walking through the process in my head when I was there, I remembered talking to her and telling her I didn't know if I should get Oscar or not. She said "don't worry about the other dogs, the little guys find homes fast, just follow your heart." Cheesy yes but in a dog shelter, with all that sadness, it is perfect advice. She seemed quite nice and I'm hoping to get involved with her and help work some of the events. I've been looking for some volunteer opportunities and since living in an apartment makes fostering dogs difficult, I figure helping find other people may be beneficial.

THEN as I'm sitting down to get my Netflix on I checked one of my social networking groups and a guy had sent me a message. After a bit of rambling about being from Michigan and how crazy Houston drivers are he goes "..oh and I noticed you have horses, I have 4 of them now and very new to the whole horse thing! Any pointers????"

At which point I of course tried to scream, claw out my eyeballs and pull my hair out. Since that didn't do any good I'm going to try and talk to him and see what the situation is, and either convince him to get rid of 1 to all of them, at least educate him in minimal care, or find out where the hell he lives and call HSPCA on his ass. My exact words were "my best advice to you is to find homes for at least 3 of them" then softened the blow by stating "even people with the best intentions can get overwhelmed with ONE horse, I can't imagine how tough 4 is."

Anywho, the woman grilled me on Oscar and seemed beyond thrilled with how well he's doing. When I told her he hasn't had a single accident or chewed anything significant up, or caused any general disasters she was impressed. When I explained sometimes I have long work days she asked if he was crated or if I took him to a pet-care and I said neither and she was SHOCKED.

I am too, really. I mean first- terrier. second- puppy (1-2years) third- TERRIER PUPPY. Hello?! My apartment should be a disaster.

I am pretty lucky to have such a good little guy. Who spent 2 hours at the park today and is currently passed the EFF out. I think he's going to get groomed tomorrow.

Ring Manners and Riding

I've been riding for the last few weeks with a lady, Sue, who came into my work. She is a really nice woman and her daughter, Stacy, who is about 30 is also really sweet. They have three horses, two TB's and a TB/hanovarian.

Andy is a flea-bitten gray 19 year old OTTB. He's a little lazy but not at all difficult, but has some nerve damage due to EMP and needs a little extra work to keep him collected. Carousel is a 22 year old TB mare who is no longer ridable due to, I think, Founder. They told me but I honestly don't remember.

The TB/Hano is 6 years old, the daughter of their mare, and a bully of a brutish (beautiful) mare. She kicks when you ask her to move forward, she's pushy on the ground and she's not afraid to walk up to you in the field with ears pinned and a menacing look on her face. I'm still gaining trust and respect so I'm not asking for much, but I would really, really like to give her some serious ground manner training. Both of them are really nice, solid, intelligent horse women, but I have a feeling dealing with this sort of an attitude is probably something they're not quite used to.

They did let me ride her today, though. Just briefly and after my ride on Andy. Stacy rode her during my lesson and I felt she did a pretty good job of handling her. She rode her through their hiccups and didn't let up when she tried to kick out and suddenly drop to a standstill. But she's a serious "pretty-pretty princess" mare with a dominance complex and I have a feeling a couple solid whacks with the dressage whip when she kicks out may settle her a little bit. I feel a short, solid negative reaction would be more effective than ignoring the behavior.

When I got on her I asked her for a trot, all I got was a sidestep (in an effort to scrape me off on a jump standard) and a defiant toss of the head. Several kicks and clucks only resulted in her cow kicking and tossing her head back at me. I grabbed a dressage whip and tapped her shoulder and that got her trotting a little, but she'd randomly just completely stop and pin her ears.

-

Now.

Ring manners.

Stacy and I were in the large jumping arena when three women came in to join us. It's a big enough arena (it's huge, actually) that 5 horses would barely have any issues. The jumps add a little problems, but nothing crazy. They didn't warm the horses up at all, just immediately started into a various trotting patterns, circles, randomly changing direction, etc. They were all friendly and introduced themselves to me and said hello and such, but one lady walked over to the trot poles Sue had set up FOR TODAY and starts to move them again. Sue goes "alright Kara head over the trot poles" and I said "actually, I can't, she's moving them" and Sue turns to her and goes "actually we're using those."

The lady continues moving the pole and goes "right NOW?" and Sue was like "yes, right now. I set them up for us to use. What did you need it for?" and she was like "I just need a pole."

Did you notice how I said we're in a large jumping arena? With SEVERAL jumps set up? And poles lying around EVERYWHERE? She huffed and dropped the pole without bothering to put it back where it was and went to the other side of the arena and moved one of the like 4 poles lying by unused standards. Then they'd randomly all stop and gather in the middle of the arena (blocking the ability to use the trot poles) and stop and talk.

They commented on how "nicely" Andy was moving, but you could tell it was in a "...for him" sort of way. Andy is a fairly well put together horse, nothing super special, but for a 19 year old OTTB he's damn good looking, and healthy.

I was so annoyed by their incredibly snobby, bitchiness I could puke.

On to a happier note.

The first time I rode Andy I felt so unbalanced and discombobulated and disjointed I was wholly disheartened by my inability to ride more than effectively. I used to be effective AND pretty. I was good. Damn Good.

But i consoled myself by reminding me that I haven't been in a regular lesson program since I was about 18, and only taken sporadic lessons since. Granted I rode Katie fairly regularly she was NOT at ALL a confidence builder. Working at camp this summer gave me a completely different riding experience, was an incredible confidence builder and gave me a much better outlook and seat.

However it did nothing for making me a pretty dressage rider.

Two lessons later I feel like I improved 500%. I'm not back to my 17 year old self, but seriously?! lol, not going to happen for a while. I don't have the muscle tone or consistent riding time I did then.

That being said, I cannot express the excitement and happiness I feel having a riding routine.

Side note

I decided this week I need a dog. I feel like I'm in a better groove at work. I'm financially settled enough to take on the responsibility, and I could use the companionship. So I've been browsing petfinder and I will be making a trip this week to the pound. I've emailed a few people about dogs I've seen on petfinder but I'll likely snatch one up at the montgomery county animal shelter this week. They tend to be the dogs in the greatest need, but I'm NOT going to just grab the first dog I see. I love Mae to DEATH but if I get another dog like her I will stab my eye out. I want a calmer, more obedient dog.

I'm also going friday to look at a horse to lease. He's an eighteen year old thoroughbred who needs a bit more exercise than he's currently getting. I'm under the impression he is mostly retired. The lady seems nice and he's at a dressage barn. His owner seemed very down to earth and sweet, so I'm hopeful it's going to be a laid back, fun dressage barn, not an uppity dressage queen castle.

I also removed several people from my life recently. A few more directly, but mostly from my facebook. This weekend was really hard. It finally hit me that Katie was dead. And next month is my sister's birthday, and my dad won't be here for that.

And I realized that girls I've known for 8, 10, 12 years haven't even checked in on me. One person specifically I am so incredibly disappointed in. I completely understand we all get busy and sometimes in life we lose touch (I am the worst at calling people), but I can't imagine someone I've been close with for A DECADE losing their father and their horse (or dog, or whatever), knowing that friend was very close to BOTH and doing nothing. I can't imagine not at least calling or sending a card, or flowers, or ANYTHING.

I've been fairly happy, all things considered, but I need to bring happiness into my life. I can't sit around waiting for my so-called "friends" to be there for me. Clearly, that is not going to happen.

So I'm going to make some room to go out and FIND friends that will. I've been very lucky to have some amazing friends (MaryAshley and Ellen, you two are amazing and I love you to pieces) but in order to bring happiness into my life I'm going to go out and find it. And if you can't be there for me through the tough times, you surely don't deserve to be there for the good ones!

New Years Goals

Well,

I don't do new years resolutions. Mostly because I know I will not (even with good intentions) stick to them.

However, I feel starting a new decade, in a new state, and after the deaths of two of the most important parts of my life (my father and my first horse), should come with some changes of my own.

First and foremost, I need to get organized. For the last eight or so months I've felt like my life was a whirlwind and I was just lucky to keep being carried along. Now I have a steady job, a solid income, an apartment (a clean one, too!) and I need to begin to pull myself up on my own two feet. This means figuring out my finances and being better about budgeting. For me this mostly means I need to STOP EATING OUT. I went to the grocery yesterday and purchased some pantry type foods. Potatoes, dried beans, lentils, spices, etc. and I'm going to learn to cook.

I made a Greek yogurt and potato dish yesterday that was pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I boiled some red potatoes, and mixed up garlic, lemon juice, pepper, turmeric, a "dipping spice" mix, and 3 parts Greek yogurt and one part sour cream and it was really good. I think next time I will try leaving out the turmeric, perhaps adding a little dill.

I reheated it today and threw in some fresh broccoli and brown rice. I left the yogurt separate and didn't reheat that just the potatoes, broccoli and rice. I need to start using more grains and rice in my cooking. It will save on the cost and is a bit healthier than my current diet of fast food.

I'm also meeting a girl Saturday to ride her horse and sign a lease. It's fairly cheap, only about $150/month and I'll have the rights to ride twice a week, use her tack and everything. The horse seems nice. He's a chestnut gelding, used to be used for polo. Not sure what to expect but when I went out previously he seemed like a solid horse.

So here it is:

1.) Manage finances smarter. Make a budget and STICK TO IT!!! This means setting aside time each week to look at bills, and make sure I'm not missing anything. It's going to be necessary in a couple months when student loans start rolling in. Coupled with the budgeting, save money by not eating out and packing lunches. Devote more time to cooking and learning how to eat healthier and smarter.

2.) GET ORGANIZED. Sheesh. I feel overwhelmed in my life right now and I need to just plant my feet, slow down and take a look around (Funny: The theme from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air just played in my head). I have plenty of time, it's just a matter of actually taking that time and not goofing off.

I think we'll start there, and see how it goes. I'd say if I had a #3 it would be "Become more active" but that is something I've been working on. Riding twice a week will definitely help with that as well. I also discovered some areas not too far away for decent hiking, such as the Sam Houston National Forest, Conroe Lake, and Huntsville State Park.

Here's to a smoother, more organized decade!

A good life

I have lived a good life. I would consider myself smart, thoughtful, and kind. Not to mention scatterbrained, forgetful and a little mistrusting, but these are all traits that make me who I am.

I have learned so much about myself, and so much about myself has changed over the last six months I'm not sure where to start, other than to say I have lived a good life and I hold my breath in anticipation with what wonders life has yet to throw my way.

One thing I have learned a lot about the last three months is death. I have always felt I have a strong grip on death and the world, and losing two of the most important influences of my life in the span of two months hasn't changed that. Life is death. People, things, die and it leaves room for us to find new people and new creatures to touch our lives.

For now? My heart weeps in unabashed self pity. My father was one of the kindest, hardest working people I have ever known and my heart broke two weeks before he died when he wrote on his notepad "I don't even feel sick, I'm going to beat this." He wrote because he couldn't talk, eat, or breathe normally. But he had the strength to try and smile and write that.

My father will never meet a boyfriend of mine, let alone walk me or my sister down the isle. He will never see my first apartment, or house. My first funeral was my father's funeral. I don't blame cancer, or god, or the doctors or life. I accepted death as a part of life and that didn't change when death came knocking on my father's door... but I'm still really very sad to not have him in my life anymore.

My heart broke again today when I received an email about Katie. It told me about the wonderful family that adopted Katie, then how she went blind and hurt herself only to have to be put down. I haven't seen her for two years, but that mare, that ridiculous, haughty, accident prone horse was my world for nearly six years.

Katie was my world; she knew me. Katie was me as any other being could be me. I have never met a person, horse, or anything else that better fit me, and I doubt I will. I will not forget the cold winter nights I'd go to the barn and sit in her stall... she would come over and sniff my hair, then nuzzle my jacket. She loved when I wore nylon jackets and would rub her nose on my shoulder, snorting at the funny feeling and noise that the slick nylon produced.

I have a good life. I am lucky. But for now, my heart hurts.