So this is obviously not a true piece of journalism, but it does stem from personal experience.

Please, gentleman. Heed the advice, and beware of VBP!

“Concern over men with VBP increases with the threat of Global Warming and Recession Woes”
21 April, 2009
by Kara Kneidl

VBP is on the rise as summer approaches, and so is the importance of understanding what VBP is, how it affects men, and ways to treat it are imperative to the overall health of the community. Men can become infected with the choice to forgo the use of undergarments while wearing shorts.

“It’s an epidemic. I saw the first case of the season, and it was only 50* today. You expect to see one or two cases a year, but last year there was at least five reported cases, and the first one wasn’t reported until mid-June. If this gets as bad as I think it might, we’re going to have to get the international Red Cross involved. Or at least the French Red Cross… I’ve heard cases of VBP in France are nonexistent.” A local Center for Disease Control official stated when asked to comment on the VBP infected man sitting at the other end of the coffee shop, reading the newspaper.

The official shook his head, and whispered, “he is just sitting there, drinking his cup of coffee, completely unaware of his [VBP] out there for everyone to see.”It’s believed in Dayton alone sightings of VBP will triple for those only marginally aware of their surroundings, and a projected tenfold increase for avid people watchers. With warm weather on the rise, men are more likely to turn to shorts and resort to a phenomenon known as “going commando” which involves fewer layers and less protection from VBP. In addition, the massive downturn in the economy is forcing people to cut back on spending, including spending that encourages wearing undergarments in public.

A local man who acknowledges his high risk of VBP spoke with us today. “I know VBP is a big concern, I’m constantly checking to make sure I’m not affected. But times are tough and I’m cutting as many corners as I can. I’m only eating out once a day now, and I get tall lattes instead of venti ones in the morning. I’ve also cut down on wearing boxers only on special occasions and holidays. I’m aware of my risk, and I’m careful. But even then, it’s my body, isn’t it? Isn’t that what you women are always complaining about, that it’s your body and you should be able to do what you want with it? Well it’s time guys took a stand. Women cannot tell us when we can, and cannot wear underwear.”

VBP is a sensitive issue that local business owners are tentative to address when it rears its head in their establishment. Some business owners are hoping to get parents involved to combat VBP before it becomes an issue. Some are actively turning down the temperature of their establishment to discourage people from wearing shorts at all.I asked a local coffee shop owner how she felt about VBP in her store. “The sad part is most guys don’t even know they have VBP. And who am I to tell them? It’s humiliating enough to find out from a girlfriend or a friend, but some random woman you don’t even know? I just don’t have it in me. I’d rather let the VBP go and hope someone he knows will be able to break the news before he carries it all around the city.”

VBP, or Visiballsandpenis syndrome affects men of all ages, but is mostly found among middleaged, atheltic men desperately attempting to hold onto their youth and khaki shorts. An advocacy group called Stop the Commandos is preparing to run a campaign with public service announcements aimed at an increase in underwear and boxer wearing and also to decrease the stigma of men crossing their legs. “Crossing your legs is not something women and gay men do to increase their appearance of femininity. It’s very common in Europe to see perfectly straight men with their legs crossed. It’s simply a matter of protecting themselves from the humiliation and the stigma attached to VBP.”

VBP is embarrassing for everyone involved, and is easily prevented. “Stop the Commandos” will be hosting a Boxer drive and is asking for new and gently used men’s undergarments to hand out to those afflicted with VBP. Stop the Commandos has asked to keep in mind that VBP is not contagious, although it is often hard to look away, and can be emotionally scarring to young persons, especially young girls. Parents are asked to keep on the look out for VBP and keep children from sitting too close in case the dreaded “what is THAT?” question should arise.VBP can be prevented through the use of boxers, boxer briefs, briefs, or as they are often called “man panties” or simply by crossing your legs while wearing shorts.